I honestly don’t know if what I felt for you was love or just a plain feeling of infatuation. But whatever it may seem, I’m glad to have felt it. You transported me to a whole new world I didn’t even know existed. I got lost in those eyes and felt safe in your arms.
But one day I woke up… crying myself to sleep, getting lost with the feeling I had, wanting to hide away every single day from the people who love me and locking myself up inside my room. Love at one point made me blind that I forget to see the good things around me and the people who really care about how I feel.
Yes there were bruises when I finally uncurled my fingers from your biceps. All the feeling of uncertainty and disappointment left my soul. I loved you layer by layer. But things change and it’s not worth all the pain.
I finally gain credit for the efforts I made in fighting the sadness and healing myself from the pain. This blog was once made entirely for you. Well actually, I just landed in one of my dream jobs because of all these random thoughts who kept me going.
And today I just go along in the spur of the moment. It’s been a while since I last spend time alone and treat myself in a nice place. I rethink my life decisions and I also meet few strangers who literally sit with me and talk about life.
It’s just so invigorating to do these all over again. Everything felt so priceless! This organic ice cream in a super dainty shop, the strangers I’ve shared good conversations with and the indie playlist I’ve been longing to play. I finally get to do all these today! I’m so grateful for landing that job, realizing what really matters, seeing my old friends again, getting my favorite poolside drinks and those random car adventures with windows down with my love ones. I feel so refresh knowing that I have new outlook in life. Now, I can always go home with my arms wide open and all set for new challenges and adventures.
I miss being gentle with myself… But thank God I’m a new soul once again! And you who are reading this, it’s never too late! Go get yourself free…