Cluttered Thoughts


Tonight, I felt the urge to go to my bedroom, crawl into my bed and lay in the dark. As I open my window glass I caught a shooting star and a memory of you suddenly strikes… a whirlwind of emotion has been spinning forcefully within me.

I think about the days when love still feels so magical. When getting lost, bus rides, phone calls at night, and the tiny tune of La Vie En Rose feel like poetry.

Tonight I tell the world about your smile. Tonight I tell the world how the blank pages has been wonderfully colored by you. Tonight I tell the world how we solved the puzzles and figured out the crazy patterns.

And now as I look upon the ethereal moon and burning stars, I’m wishing to retrace my steps all the way back to our own magical time. Until then, I say the words when our paths crossed again.

Unspoken truth


Only a woman who is unrequitedly in love is foreign to the idea of a place she is unwelcome in. The kind of emotional connection that could only validate that it’s hard to trust in love alone, for it is hard to heal the wound of the past. A woman who once unable to love for the fear of abandonment. A woman who once had deep breaths after a night of deep painful silence. But amidst the chaos, a woman who still hopes to find a bank full of light and rainbow for nothing in the world like a real gentle happiness.

Make your life worthwhile!


When the day comes, I hope we all get to see how beautiful and meaningful life can be if we stopped chasing our youth unrealistic goals. I, for one, have been a paralyzed victim in this chaos we are all living today. Chasing pavements to traverse everyone’s paths. But come to think of it, living the life and considering yourself as the driver create even more beautiful impact for yourself and for the people you love.

You are most likely going to lose yourself in the process, feel discomfort and misunderstood but slowly you’ll regain yourself. It’s totally okay because this is supposedly the journey you should take.

No matter what other people will tell you to go, it won’t matter. Why? Because by now you have deeply understand your inner core, and with that, you already know where you stand and what you want. This is the best thing you will ever realize along the way.

You will breathe and feel your heart pumping the blood and with every stare or glance it will amaze you of how wonderful these simple things are.

I hope the millennial realizes how gleeful it is to live their lives to fullest without other people knowing every single thing they do. How they could tick off those bucket list purely because it drives them crazy to know what’s in store for them. That it’s absolutely just right to invest in themselves rather than the toxic people around them.

Create something that your future self will be thankful for. Extravagant lifestyle or a career with absolute success will never define how great you are as a person. Go for an extra mile and see what you can do to make your life worthwhile! Happy memories, amazing people, meaningful thoughts, new and wider perspective and most importantly values that you could share with the people you will meet. Find your passion – “brave things, situations, people, dreams, and goals – with heart, soul, mind, limbs all laid out.” Love the life you’ve always dreamed of living, and inspire others to do the same. See the world, meet people, create priceless memories, discover new things and just start the wonderful change in you. It’s the littlest of things that could do a great impact in your life to make it worthwhile.

What could go wrong? There is no one better or lesser than who you are. You’re human, you’re young and you’re beautiful just by the fact that you embrace life’s grandest surprises. The world needs more people like you, so be you!

Why is it okay to get your heart broken?

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I honestly don’t know if what I felt for you was love or just a plain feeling of infatuation. But whatever it may seem, I’m glad to have felt it. You transported me to a whole new world I didn’t even know existed. I got lost in those eyes and felt safe in your arms.

But one day I woke up… crying myself to sleep, getting lost with the feeling I had, wanting to hide away every single day from the people who love me and locking myself up inside my room. Love at one point made me blind that I forget to see the good things around me and the people who really care about how I feel.

Yes there were bruises when I finally uncurled my fingers from your biceps. All the feeling of uncertainty and disappointment left my soul. I loved you layer by layer. But things change and it’s not worth all the pain.

I finally gain credit for the efforts I made in fighting the sadness and healing myself from the pain. This blog was once made entirely for you. Well actually, I just landed in one of my dream jobs because of all these random thoughts who kept me going.

And today I just go along in the spur of the moment. It’s been a while since I last spend time alone and treat myself in a nice place. I rethink my life decisions and I also meet few strangers who literally sit with me and talk about life.

It’s just so invigorating to do these all over again. Everything felt so priceless! This organic ice cream in a super dainty shop, the strangers I’ve shared good conversations with and the indie playlist I’ve been longing to play.  I finally get to do all these today! I’m so grateful for landing that job, realizing what really matters, seeing my old friends again, getting my favorite poolside drinks and those random car adventures with windows down with my love ones. I feel so refresh knowing that I have new outlook in life. Now, I can always go home with my arms wide open and all set for new challenges and adventures.

I miss being gentle with myself… But thank God I’m a new soul once again! And you who are reading this, it’s never too late! Go get yourself free…

What lies beyond the calm of the misfit


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In a world filled with youthful voice trying to escape the vast cruel haunted doubts and fear. Where a smorgasbord of struggles and diverted attentions occur. It’s hard to go to once inner core and find the calm of the misfit.

As I take a walk in this busy city my soul started to shatter. I remember leaping recklessly into the unknown and sailing incessantly against the current. I run hurriedly that I have missed the travel gears heading towards the real destination. But amidst the chaos, you left me looking in a wider perspective of what I truly deserve.

Lingering thoughts


I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and tonight, I found myself all tied up in my window pane. Writing the saddest lines and looking back at all the things that used to surround our element. Our souls have once crossed and it was a total eclipse in the galaxy of human nature. You were the very best of me, my dearest friend and my deepest love. Tonight all the pain came crashing down and all the memories were trying to illuminate all the reasons why it has to end. It’s a strange feeling how I miss staring at you, holding your hand and getting lost with you. I used to think about you every single day and every night I remember writing sweet and delightful thoughts about you. No matter where I am or what’s going on with my life, your soul echoes through mine and that’s exactly what I hoped you felt for me. But just like any other stars that drift away in the galaxy, ours dimmed too soon.

And tonight as tears shed, a part of me misses loving someone and having them love you back. But it reminded me that one day… One day I’ll find someone who won’t have to say goodbye and won’t leave me with another scar.

To the one who will keep you


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You step into my life when I was in my lowest, when I’ve always doubted about love, forever and the real meaning of genuine happiness. According to God perfect love cast out fear. The moment I laid my eyes on you I knew right at the very moment you are the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. The only person who reshape my idea of home and make me feel so comfortable just as by his presence. Thank you for going through my deepest soul and loving my deepest parts without even saying a word.  Thank you for seeing the best in me most especially on the days that I can’t seem to. Thank you for loving me the way I’ve always wanted to be loved.  Thank you for showing me how beautiful life is and for proving me that forever exists in the most ecstatic way. I know today marks the day of what I know will be a happier life and how wonderful it is to stand by you as we say our “I do’s”. I promise to submit to you, to share my life with you, to always love you, support you, encourage you and I’ll stand by your side with all the crazy things that you want to do. Even at the times when you’re really down and you just don’t think you can continue on, I will be there for you. We’re always behind you, God and I.  It has been a long journey and I know God has blessed us and there’s no force in this universe that could separate us. A life of adventure, laughter, growing together, and a life filled with happiness and God’s blessing. I love you and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, my love.

Beauty in a world full of chaos


Every morning I have been looking in the mirror and ask myself “If today were the last day of my life, am I about to do what I wanted to become?” Through the past years I’ve been living with dreams and hopes but not until life hit me with a brick where I got completely terrified. From then on, my life was filled with unresolved situations, rejections and drastic circumstances. My visions in the future began to diverge and eventually had a fall out. I was a tortured soul. But amid all the doom and gloom, a ray of sunshine has come near me. If it weren’t for these consequent failures probably I’m still vulnerable and less sure about everything. 

Much of who I am right now is because of these rigorous attacks that continue to make me strong & resilient. Now when people asks me I always say, I’ve never been better and if life decides to unravel again I can always try to bend and snap. Never loose hope and continue chasing your dreams! 

Disturbing silence


A nice fresh bed with smoothly drawn sheets and a hot water bottle at the end of it. Just the right amount of softness enough for me to forget the vast hurricane of emotions. As I take a drag from my cigarette, I romanticize every word you mutter and it feels like hell knowing it was all from your beautiful lies.

Faded affection


You’re a drug that delights my soul and feeds my existence with pure rapture but now your affection is all drowning. I have never felt so frantic until I realized you are slowly vanishing. I write past midnight and every euphoric thought still lingers like it was just a day ago. Tonight, I drink the most expensive wine under the monumental light alone and all in despair.